THE LIST
This is an important chapter that has the distinct possibility of changing your life. If finding the one you will love for the rest of your life is important to you, this could be one of the most important chapters you will ever read. I suggest that you read carefully, take all the information seriously, use plenty of time collecting your thoughts, and WRITE THEM DOWN ON PAPER. If you want to be successful, and not become a member of the 50% divorced club, you must record the qualities you hope to find on paper.
It was 1997 when I began compiling a list of qualities a woman needed to possess in order for me to believe that we could be fulfilling in each other’s lives. The list itself was an evolving process that took from six months to one year to have in a “mostly” complete form. During that period of time I guess you could categorize me as a serial dater who was dating all the wrong people for all the wrong reasons. The only redeeming part of all that serial dating is that it gave me a lot of people to observe closely to begin to formulate some insight as to what individual qualities a woman would need to exhibit for me to be interested. This might sound harsh or a little exclusive but the truth is that if you are going to be successful at marriage you are going to exclude all but one. Keep in mind that every person you meet or observe is an opportunity to see a quality exhibited for consideration, or its polar opposite.
This is a good place for an important caution with respect to your list. It is very important that when considering qualities for inclusion on your list that you principally focus on positive qualities. It is clear that looking back over my lifetime, and the life of others considered successful, that almost one hundred per cent of the time success comes from positive thoughts. Do not spend time focusing on the qualities you do not want in your life. We seem to all know exactly what we don’t want in our lives and when we really focus on that it is just about to show up. Later in the book a list of possible qualities is included with a mention of the qualities polar opposite. The polar opposite is included for you to be aware of it so you can make an informed choice when you see a person of interest act in a fashion that is opposite of what you find pleasing. A candidate who exhibits a lot of polar opposites to your list is probably not your guy or girl. Keep in mind that the intense study of negative qualities is not necessary because at our core we all know what they are, we have been married to them, dated them, worked with them, have family members exhibiting them, in fact we see them out in public daily. Focus on what you want in a mate and it will materialize.
Back to determining which qualities you want in a life mate. The opportunities to discover a quality that you would include in your list are endless. I was able to find qualities for inclusion on list in my grandmother, grandfather, mother, father, the 85 year old guy who worked at the office, people I dated, school teachers. All the people that come and go through your life all offer a chance to see a characteristic demonstrated that you would find fulfilling in your lifelong love. Additionally, spend time alone considering what the love of your life will bring that will make your life more fun, easier, secure, complete, loving and fulfilling.
When you are considering the qualities for your list consider the possibilities like being at the china man buffet or being at the country club for Sunday brunch. We all like a wonderful smorgasbord of delicacies, this buffet of qualities is a "get all you desire", ask for every good quality you can think of for the list. Pick qualities until you are over stuffed, don’t miss a thing. When you think you are full make one more pass at the buffet of life and get some more. You will be finished when you look at your list and it looks like the perfect mate for you.
Having considered the list of positive qualities, and their counterparts, you will no longer see a dating opportunity the same. Every person you date, or just spend time with, will exhibit a few of the qualities on your list or even some you studied in this book. You should be able to quickly see if they are behaving in a manner listed as a positive or a negative quality. As you become acutely aware of the positive qualities and choose not to ignore the negative qualities exhibited by a person, you will have forever altered who you will allow into your inner most circle. The creation and study of your list makes it become a part of you therefore becoming a part of pure awareness. The acknowledgement of the negative qualities gives you a conscious opportunity to stop ignoring the red flags. Many of the divorced 50% of the population ignored the red flags and some percentage of the other 50% did so as well but chooses to remain committed. I think it is important to note here that you AND your family will be taking complete responsibility for the choices you make. I will guarantee you that and, more importantly, the universe will guarantee it.
Here are some steps to be used in creating your list and utilizing it to fulfill your quest for a soulmate.
1. Create your list and write it down on paper
2. Study it daily until you get it near perfect
3. Place the qualities in order of importance
4. As your attitudes change move the qualities either up or down on the list
5. Make the first several qualities show stoppers if he or she does not exhibit these move on, this can be as many or few as you deem of ultimate importance
6. Vow to keep the people exhibiting the show stoppers out of your inner circle
7. Acknowledge that the polar opposite of a good quality does exist and is frequently exhibited
8. Continually look for the good but do not ignore the bad
9. Consider that your choices here will reverberate through your life
10. Keep looking at and revising your list until the One arrives
Remember that you must be thorough, if you leave an important quality off the list chances are you might not receive that one in a mate.
No comments:
Post a Comment